Well it's been i while since i last wrote here. Lots of things have happened since last year, i graduated, moved to france for a year, started the now 16 months relationship with Rafael... and well...now that i look at this journal i laugh..i laugh cause i'm incapable of evolving. It's amazing everything has changed since my last entry but i'm still not able to sort out the problems that torment me. My self steem is in negative levels. I don't know how i became an obsessive, self-critical, self-deprecating girl...but the truth is that i feel like the most insignificant, useless, worm in the ugliest, dirtiest garden. It's funny i have amazing people around me who love me and support me, i graduated from high school, got into college, i've been living five months in the country of my dreams and i'm still sad. I guess it's my flair for drama. I think that i'm masochist, i think that i actually enjoy being sad. There's no other expaination for this hate that i feel inside me. It's as if there were two Victorias, the one who does, feels and thinks and the other who anylises the first and critics each move, each idea, each action. It's awful! but i can't stop doing it! I'm toring myself appart in this horrible psycological disection...first of all i feel the lest talented person in the world. Even if everyone around me affirms that i'm smart, cultivated, whatever...they're wrong! I'm not good, or kind, or talented, i'm weak, lazy, coward, useless... i'll keep writing when i have the courage